Today being Zella’s fifth bithday, I got up early to wish her a happy one and see what she wanted to do today. Apparently, the woofers decided to celebrate her birthday a little bit early. I don’t know what the heck happened last night, but I awoke to find four passed out canines, all in some state of disarray–Grimm was naked, Charley was covered in rope toys, Rufus was buried under Grimm and Zella was missing teeth. When I woke them all up, no one could tell me what had happened. They all had conveniently developed a case of amnesia.
I happened to see my camera lying on the couch, definitely not where I had left it. Maybe some clue to the canine exploits was hidden in its memory. I scrolled through the pictures and…OH MY WORD! I have some very bad dogs. Seeing the pictures, though, helped to trigger the dogs memories of the events leading up to this morning. Be warned…what you are about to see and read is not pretty.
The first of their many crimes involved the attempted theft of my car. They all thought it would be awesome fun to take a road trip for Zella’s birthday. Somehow Rufus decided he was driving while Zella rode in the back like she was Miss Daisy or something. However, being unable to reach the pedals and appropriately work the gear shift, they gave up the road trip idea.
Since the road trip was a bust, they all decided to get drunk instead. Zella had the bright idea of using her favorite retrieving toy as a beer bong, thus making the chugging of the alcohol that much easier. Even though all the dogs are technically minors, they again violated the law and drank until they were completely sloshed.
After being totally and completely inebriated, Zella wanted to tell all her stuffed toys how much she loved them. She started to get a little paranoid and then worried they would leave her for some other dog. Then she got mad at her toys, saying they never loved her…ever…and that she saw them eyeing the other dogs in the house. How could they treat her this way, when she gave them so much of herself, sacrificed so much for them? She then proceeded to eat the face off her (former) stuffed puppy dog. Grimm had to intervene before it got too ugly and the police were called out for a domestic disturbance.
Grimm, who at this point was also completely inebriated, decided that he would take Zella’s ex-toy under his wing. Since Rufus was passed out on the couch, Grimm didn’t have his wingman anymore, so the little faceless stuffed dog would have to do.
Charley, who I thought had more sense than to be suckered into this cesspool of delinquent canine behavior, paraded around modelling the assorted canine rope toys as a new version of a boa. Apparently, he also started singing show tunes as loud as he could and almost broke a hip trying to dance a drunken Charleston. Eventually, he passed out still wearing all the different ropes–why just wear one when you can wear all three?
I never did find out, though, what happened to Zella’s teeth. I swear they were there yesterday. I haven’t found any yet, no blood and there is no photo evidence to help me solve the mystery. I did, however, figure out why Grimm was naked this morning and not wearing his collar. He apparently decided to give it to his new buddy.
What a crazy bunch of dogs I have! They are, however, all very ashamed of their delinquent behavior and promise not to get drunk ever again. Here’s to a happy fifth birthday, Zella. Hope you have a fun day sleeping off your hangover and that you and your wolfpack stay out of any more trouble. Now I know what to get you for Christmas…two front teeth.